Yahoo! You have the Nerve to try Match.com!
So, you've decided to take a shot at the whole
thing. Congratulations. It's a good way to put yourself out there.
And, before you wonder, no it's not just for scary freaky people
anymore there are plenty of normal, decent people who have
found their spouses online (and not just from
There are however a few things you should know...
Start At The Very Beginning
Pick a good username
Find something that isn't completely generic. "NiceGuy23"
or "Princess79" doesn't say much about you.
"LiteraryLatteFiend" does. This is all about marketing
yourself. You need to think about your target audience. Personally,
I avoid women who have "princess" in their usernames
probably too much work.
Oh, and "Lonely_Chick" BAD choice for username.
(Yes, that's a real username.)
It's shallow and sad, but people who post pictures get a lot more
(from 4 to 10 times more) hits than people who don't. If you're too
ashamed to post your picture, you have bigger problems than dating.
See the comments on exercise. Of course, it shouldn't need to be said,
but, having been to a number of sites, it does need to be said
post a good picture. I want to be able to see your face,
and possibly your figure. Don't post a "Glamour Shot," but
do post a decent picture that shows you in a good light (not just
well-lit). As a friend, Nicole, wrote:
Here's a tip: These should probably make you look good.
I'm not sure why it takes a rocket scientist to figure that
out but apparently it does. Some people even wrote lines in
their profile about how their picture is a bad one and they're
actually really good looking in real life. WTF??? Why in god's
name would you put a picture up that makes you look worse than
you really do???
It's not that hard to get at least a decent pic. If you do
not have a digital camera, chances are a friend does. And it
doesn't really cost them anything to use it on you. They can
delete every pic once you find a good one and save it to your
So I'm sorry, but bad pics go in the trash pile for me. That
I'm not saying the person has to be fantastic looking, just
be smiling and in a normal bodily position and not all red
faced and wearing the god awful Christmas sweater your mom
gave you that makes you look like a dumbass.
Is that really too much to ask???
Also, under the idea of "common sense," post a picture
of just you. If I have to figure out who you are, you're making me
work too hard.
I Hate Long Walks On The Beach
Think about your headline. And your target audience. For most
people this is your "first impression" that determines
if they'll bother to look at your profile. Here are some real
examples from women on one dating site:
- Fun girl looking for fun guy!
- Looking for a nice guy!
- Looking to meet new people - maybe Mr. Right?
- Looking to have fun
- Just looking for a good man
- Seeking Mr. Wonderful
- Will you sweep me off my feet?
- Cinderella seeks Prince Charming
- Good girl seeks good guy
- Are you mister right?
- are you the one?
- Are all the good men taken?
- Looking For Some Passion
- Looking for someone to hang out with. . .
- Your Search Is Over
Let's see, the men these women are looking for are: fun, nice, good, and
either Mr. Right, Prince Charming, or the one. On the other hand the women
are fun or good and seeking some passion but want to hang out.
We won't even talk about "hey" and "hello..."
Compare that to "Why yes, Captain Obvious, I do love to
laugh." Which one stands out?
I have to admit, my favorite is probably "seeking tattooed
white-collar professional." I sent her an email with a link to
(Oh, and some of the men's headlines are just as bad.)
As for writing your profile, try to show some basic grasp of the
language and if English isn't your native tongue, say so.
Spellcheck and grammar check. Someone who didn't learn the differences
among "they're," "their" and "there"
in fourth grade is obviously not going to keep up with me
no matter how "hawt they mite bee."
Beyond that, you need to show something of who you are. Don't be
generic. And write enough to give people a reason to want to get
to know you. Unless you're obviously absurdly hot, people are not
going to be "writing you to learn more" unless you give
them something to work with.
On the other hand, unless you're an Xtreme-sport triathelete,
nuero-surgeon, don't try to make yourself out to be an Xtreme-sport
triathelete, nuero-surgeon. Most of us who work don't spend every
night and weekend doing a laundry list of cool things...most of us
are most likely to be working on laundry.
Try telling a personal story or anything that helps to show them
who you truly are.
Also, be clear in what you're looking for. And state it. But use
common sense. There's a difference between saying "I'm looking
for someone who can keep up with me outdoors" and "no
Check out Miss Emmysue's Online
Dating Profile Pet Peeves.
When you find someone online who you think might be worth getting
to know, email them. But use your head. First off, don't use the
"wink" feature that just shows that you're either
too cheap or too much of a wuss to send a real email.
If they list very specific requirements, and you don't meet them,
think twice before sending them an email. It's rude to waste their
time. Example: I received an email from a woman who was 4 years older
than me, with two kids, and a high-school education when my profile
said "looking for someone my age or younger, no kids, and college
Guess what my reaction was.
In the email make it clear what interested you and tell them
why you think you two have something in common. Don't just
say, "check out my profile." Make a little effort.
Specifically refer to something in their profile. Just
so they know that you read it if nothing else.
If someone sends you a message and you're not interested, politely
respond and say that you're not interested. On the other hand, if
you send someone a message and don't get a response, you can send
one message in case the first didn't go through. If you don't
get a response, assume they're not interested and get on with your
Also, once you start messaging back-and-forth, pay close attention
to their responses. Email doesn't have facial expressions, so your
"humor" may come across as much less funny than you think
and you may not realize it.
Coffee, Tea, or...Dinner
For a first date, use common sense rules: meet in a public location.
- "Mr. Nice Guy"